what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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