Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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