Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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