She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
