so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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