Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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