would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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