i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
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