This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
