ya dads aren't the best wingmen
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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