I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
