I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
its liver damage thursday
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
