yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
