His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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