Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
