dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
