PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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