The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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