Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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