Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
