he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
