I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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