u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
