I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
