Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
