Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
