guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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