I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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