if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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