I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
