Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
