Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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