oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
