the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
