you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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