the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
