Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
