Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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