Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
