Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
