I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
