Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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