Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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