I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
