Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
