he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
