Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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