She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
