I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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