I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
